Dark storm clouds gathered in the west as we went for a drive to enjoy the spring flowering trees and bushes. It’s been two weeks since my elbow surgery and I’m in considerable pain every day. The doctor warned me ahead of time that there would be pain for a few months after the surgery. But I didn’t really hear that part; I was just desperate for a resolution to the pain from the torn tendon and inflamed nerve.
So I’ve been recuperating at home for two weeks with Advil, Tylenol, ice and stronger pain meds at night to help me sleep. I usually consider myself to have a high tolerance for pain and in fact this injury has had me in pain on and off for two years (I tried cortisone shots and therapy a few times). But finally it got so bad that I could not sleep and it was pain 24 hours a day. So the doctor cleaned up the tendon – it was too damaged to reattach – and moved the nerve so that it would not constantly be aggravated. I’m typing and writing a bit finally, but not doing much – tomorrow I go back to work. I’m not feeling ready for work, but hoping it will be a distraction from the pain. I had thought that I could use this time at home to get caught up on school. But the thing about pain is that it saps your energy. I’m normally a pretty energetic person; hence the full time job/full time student thing. I get up early, study a bit, exercise, and work, come home and study some more. Well, I’m lucky if I can concentrate long enough to read a chapter or an article these days.
I’m thankful that there is a future ahead where my elbow will be fully healed and I’ll be pain-free. Meanwhile, I must just accept this stage, trying to live with serenity and grace. Conserving my energy and not fretting about all the things that are not getting done. Such are the storms of life. We weather them as best we can, always hopeful for another day, a sunny day. Early spring is like that, 8o degrees one day, 40 degrees two days later, stormy and windy one day, sunny and balmy the next.
I’m holding on to my serenity.
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